RAWR

I am tired, but I cannot sleep. I am under tremendous pressure and stress, my mind cannot stop working. I am so frustrated, irritable and extremely impatient. Productivity has been horrible, and there are just so much incompetence around. It is extremely frustrating. There should be more descriptive words for such emotions.

Blogger takes such a f**king long time to load that only makes me more pissed off.

I need an outlet to get out all the steam. Somebody is going to be really unlucky to be on my receiving end of my pressure valve.

RAWRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Labels: rants, uk

posted by adree at 07:54 SGT (GMT +08)| 0 comments

Social Media - Blogs - Politics

What is really capturing my attention lately is the Malaysian elections, and how the bloggers, has such a MASSIVE influence over it.

As in the news, the Malaysian govt has lost its 50+ year 2/3 majority in parliament in the recent election. And its people has voted a blogger into parliament. It is probably the first anywhere in the world.

Why am I so interested? It is because I can see many similarities between what happened in msia, and what could possibly happen in singapore politics in a few years time. There is this growing... rumbling online about displeasure about what the govt has done lately. A lot of this anger is showing because of the MSK incident.

hmm im getting lazy to type this post, coz it will be a very long long one coz of many points to bring up and lay out my argument. But I need to sleep la, my submission is 13 days away and im blogging. tsk. What got me writing this post is how this blogger got charged yesterday for sedition, for implying the DPM and his wife of Msia of murder, how he refused to bail, and how the online community in a RM$1/person campaign donated at least RM$24k(some say RM$32k(paypal)) towards his RM$5K bail. That says A LOT for the support of the blogger against the govt.

In summary, what is happening in msia now, seems like what could possibly happen in singapore politics in the future, with a massive influence from blogs/bloggers, who are the alternative voice, when the mainstream media outlets(there are only 2 in singapore) keep the tone of what is happening in singapore very chirpy and pro-govt, and the politicians seem to be slowly losing what the people on the ground are feeling.

Or it could be I am just too massively influenced by these blogs/alternative viewpoints.

Or being overseas has broaden my perspectives on things back home.

(I do read ST, CNA and alternate viewpoints from Singapore, daily)

Labels: rants

posted by adree at 06:38 SGT (GMT +08)| 0 comments

Nerd? Geek? Loser? No life?

In one of my minuscule discoveries about different cultures, here in Europe, or maybe specifically UK, the British do not seem to instant message(IM) as much or often as Asians do on the other side of the world. Such activity, chatting online, spending too much time infront of a computer, addicted to playing computer/online games, is someone who has no life, a nerd, a geek, and/or a loser.

There seems to be this stigma that the Internet, or being online all the time, or knowing your way around computers is bad. 'Only people with no social life spend all their time online'. I think the British are missing the boat, the web2.0/social media/enterprise etc shit. Apparently the inventor of the WWW is a British guy, when I always thought it was an Amercian. Maybe because the British invented it, they got bored of it, and it is like a byproduct of the yesteryears? Its hard to find any British blogs, or any online community other than stuff like myspace to promote their obsession into music or anything else that does not relate to not having a social life. Facebook is a main reason why many are online now, updating their 'real life social life' online, because, well, you know how facebook is.

What is strange is that their 'nightlife or entertainment' here is really boring. Shops close at 5, and the ONLY places opened after 5pm are pubs/clubs, and fast food places to feed the drunk, no, high revelers. All there is to do, on any night in town is to go to a club, or pub, and get pissed. And if sitting around a table for a pint, and catching up got a little boring or unexciting after awhile, these drunk, no, high revelers, will be all up to mischief.

But who cares what I think? I am an anti social hermit! I am the social outcast. heh.

I also noticed that the British seem to be lagging behind in technology. One good indicator is the price of broadband, its speed and accessibility. Another indicator is how adapted the youth are to it. Maybe I am not experiencing a broader spectrum of youth. I thought mixing with media students would be a strong enough gauge. But I have not been impressed with anything interactive/multimedia/IT/web/online/etc from here. Even the student work here in that particular field is questionable. YET my views could all be one sided because I have not seen enough, or not looking hard enough. But if its that good, it'll stand out from a million miles away, and none has caught my eye.

Yet another interesting thing is probably noticing how APPLE advertises its products in Europe. They seem to advertise more in the US and ASIA, but when it comes to advertisements on computer products like the imacs or whatever, there is very little of it. Even the professional range of products like creative suites and all that, there seems to be a huge lack of interest in Europe. One case when Final Cut Studio 2 was having a world tour to give talks and such to FCP users, all the cities listed where the conference was going to be, was everywhere BUT Europe. Does APPLE know something I don't about the demograph ?

Sometimes I question my decision to come to the UK, instead of the US to pursue a media degree in an increasingly technological internet and media savvy world. Well I did know, and wanted to pursue my studies in the US, however, its all about circumstances. The UK is still better for stuff like engineering/medicine/law/etc. i think.

Labels: rants, uk

posted by adree at 06:04 SGT (GMT +08)| 0 comments

English...

... language.

Always thought that my english was above average(B3; average?). But coming here has made me realise that my perceptions are bad. I can't pronounce, enunciate and articulate myself as well as I think I could in my mind. Can't speak or write properly! All that singaporean english, mixing all that different languages and not speaking properly, and all that amercian television! So I am a confused sounding English(british)-educated(singapore education system)english-speaking-sounding-amercian-sometimes(tomayto, tomahto; its the tv)-whose-pronunciation-is-screwed-by-singish(singapore!).

Even what I write here has full of mistakes. Can you spot them?

Labels: rants, uk

posted by adree at 05:41 SGT (GMT +08)| 0 comments

FYP blues

I miss being in Design School so early in the morning when nobody is around and it is all quiet and peaceful, and then having breakfast in the canteen with your fellow sufferers of FYP. Chilling out, relaxing and having the much needed nourishment that would probably last us for the rest of the day in school.

The mornings in the canteen is just so serene.

Labels: rants

posted by adree at 21:24 SGT (GMT +08)| 0 comments

A totally unimportant accomplishment

I was looking for a crack for something... and I spent ages trawling the internet for it. When I finally found it, I thought I had to trawl through another hundreds and millions of postings to find what i wanted. I even contemplated contacting everyone I know with a paid service to get the exact location of that file. Until a few days later, I found out that on that same website that I searched and found the file on, I could create the"locator" and download the file immediately.

Happily, I downloaded it, and open the compressed file. A minor scare happened with a missing portion of the download, but that quickly rectified. Proceeded to extract the file, and clicked on the patch, but IT DIDNT WORK!!! GASP

So I tried downloading the repair files for the download, but there was no problem with it, the checksums checked out. I trawled the internet again looking for another copy, thinking that this copy is bad. Searched for days, looked at all kinds of different websites, searched the author of the crack, etc, everything I could think of searching, I searched. There was only that one copy.

Desperate as I was, or rather, not wanting to give up, I even attempted to reverse engineer the stupid code, and tried to patch it myself. It didnt work.

Finally, when I went back to step one, while extracting the files from the archive, I looked at the extraction and noticed something strange. The program I use to extract the files, is also extracting the patch, screwing things up!

Crossing fingers, I used another uncompressor, and lo and behold! It compressed everything as it should, and the patch worked!

REJOICE!

hur so lame, this is such a geek entry. Never knew I was one right.
I am a stupid geek. Waste so much time on this stupid thing when I could be doing more important work!!

Labels: geek, rants

posted by adree at 06:22 SGT (GMT +08)| 0 comments

Worry?????

Who says I worry too much? huh huh huh huh huh huh ?!?!?

But I do worry too much. I am a worrier. Even a stranger said I worry too much, and I should just drop everything and have fun! That should be my main goal why I am here! To have fun and absorb all that experience in!

Worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry wOrry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry woRry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worRy worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worrY.


How to not worry huh? How? You tell me how?
I _used_ to be a happy-go-lucky person, with NO WORRIES.

What happend to me.

Labels: rants, uk

posted by adree at 07:36 SGT (GMT +08)| 0 comments

A... Drained?

I think, I am starting to feel the effects of being drained. Mentally drained... hmmm does that also mean stressed? I would love to just drop everything and chill out, but then there's that pressure there telling me I can't. And it is also not as it I am not chilling out... Maybe I am not chilling out properly. Not having quality. I might be having too much quantity of minimal chilling out, that doesn't effectively take away all that drain and stress.

alright, all these are just bullshit excerises to the same problem I have for years.

Procrastinating.

But I think some part of me is really drained. Could it be the cold weather here that is freezing the fats and stopping blood from circulating in my brain? Maybe. Better start going to the gym again.

Labels: rants, uk

posted by adree at 07:50 SGT (GMT +08)| 0 comments

Give the Writers their money!

The WGA strike in America has gone past the 30day mark, and with most television series in mid season, and probably half the series shot, many series are either ending the season early, like heroes, with a rubbish season finale, or are making viewers wait until the strike ends and the writers can continue with the rest of the season.

This makes us, the viewers, very angry! How can you just end our viewing pleasure like that! With horrible season finales, like heroes! And then leave us hanging for God knows how long before you come to a conclusion for the rest of the season! Give those writers what they want! They deserve it!

*** WARNING! Heroes 2 Spoilers below ***



And Heroes season finale was BLAH! It felt like they rushed to resolved everything and just like that it was OK and the world is FINE? There were suppose to be at least 13 more episodes!!! And volume three... SYLER???? AGAIN? JUST KILL HIM ALREADY.

edit:
Tim Kring Explains!
http://www.tvguide.com/news/heroes-generations-finale/071204-01


*** End of Spoilers ***

And now all those series are gonna end, coz whatever episodes already done, are gonna finish airing in a couple of weeks, and all production is stopped because there's nothing to shoot, coz there's no writers to write the bloody script!

And because writers for reality TV are not on WGA, that means if the strike prolongs, its all going to be reality TV! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT! I WANT MY TELEVISION!

Labels: rants, TV

posted by adree at 04:47 SGT (GMT +08)| 0 comments

Lack of Wit

These days, there are so few blogs left out there that are witty anymore. The kind of bloggers that can rant about anything mundane and make it interesting and witty and funny, are either blogging too little, cos the realities of life have caught up, or there are just too many boring people in this world, like me, who blog about their daily routine life, with little or no interest, or their daily meals of what they eat because it is the most interesting thing that is happening in their lives right now!

Wow, a sentence with 7 commas. I love writing long sentences.

I want witty blogs! Wit wit wit! They are the reasons I carry on living! (haha)

Labels: rants

posted by adree at 07:18 SGT (GMT +08)| 0 comments

Being True to yourself

Being true to yourself. How do you be true to yourself? If being true to yourself, means doing what you think its right and best, then what is right and best? We all learn our life experiences, what is right or wrong, true or false, from somewhere somehow, either school, workplace, family, friends, etc. So what does it mean to be true to yourself?

All that shared experiences you have been through as an human being that shaped who you are today? The lessons you learn from school, the bad experiences, the good experiences. Then what is good and what is bad? What is right what is wrong? What is true what is false? I am going in a circle. Is this a chicken and egg thing?

Do I understand what it means to be true to yourself to be true to myself?

Often in the creative circles, I hear people talking about being true to yourself in your work. You answer to no one else but yourself. But what if yourself is either confused of knowing which is being true to yourself, or whether because you're a student and learning, you should be learning from someone else, opening yourself up to other possibilities, or just closing everyone else and be yourself. If teamwork is about understanding each other viewpoints, listening, accepting or not, then how to be true to yourself when there's a need to compromise?

I think I sound stupid here in such an argument. I probably have the answer in what I just typed. Because while typing it out, I thought I had the answer to my question. But now, I don't know. I rather believe I didn't have the answer.

Labels: rants, uk

posted by adree at 06:33 SGT (GMT +08)| 0 comments

Goldfish in a Bowl

When I think about my decision to come to the UK to study, as well as what I hoped to have tried or experimented, its funny how I seem to forget about it all. I talked about not getting such a big culture shock, and then adapting to the life here. Perhaps I have built a big glass wall around myself.

Far away from home, and in an unfamiliar place, I try to adapt to the life and culture here, hang on to the things familiar to home, cook and eat so much asian food, and if I had a choice back home in Singapore, I wouldn't eat. Like how sometimes I deal with my relationships, I build a wall around myself to protect me first. It's selfish, but if anything bad happens, I get hurt, I deal with the pain. But not wanting to experience the pain, I try to prevent it, or avoid it. I guess its human nature or not, or just who I am.

One of the reasons why I wanted to study overseas was the overseas exposure, the different culture, and to see things differently. Also to experiment and be totally free from the structure and system that educated me. Unfortunately, subconsciously, I've been building a cocoon around myself. I rather use the phrase Goldfish in a Bowl, or turtle in his shell, or snail, whatever. But you can see through a glass bowl and not a shell! so whatever.

So basically, I am this goldfish in a bowl, looking out at the people around me, experiencing the place and culture, well, not as much as I should, and worrying too much. But thats me, I am a worrier. So although I already know what I know from where I studied in Singapore, the theory and everything, I should take this opportunity break that stupid box, step out from it, experience and break the rules. Really, its easier said than done. There's something in me, that prevents me from doing so. Its like deciding against right or wrong. I want to do really well here cos of my goals academically, but yet in this creative field of media, what is right? and what is wrong? My fear is that through this experimentation, I could go horribly wrong, or, because I know what is "right", that prevents me from breaking that. So can I blame the culture, society, or education system that made me this way?

There are also other life experiences of my own that are quite similar to others as well, its all about us going through a journey in our lives deciding what we want, and how we want to lead it. But yet, has that experience made me afraid of exploring and experience? I say I want to do so, I want to do it, but deep down inside, there is that constant fear that subconsciously stops or prevents me from doing so.

So how do it beat this subconscious to crap, break free from its bond, and open myself up? You(the reader) cannot give me advice, because, that answer is within me, and that is something that I have to discover.

Labels: rants, uk

posted by adree at 03:55 SGT (GMT +08)| 0 comments

Frustration

Its so frustrating, sitting at the desk for hours and days and nothing is done! Even with an idea or concept, I cannot think/imagine/visualise/conceptualise further because I just do not have that experience here to put the idea/concept into reality.

All the images and visuals I can conjour are all things related to Singapore.

I've been sitting at my desk all day, staring at the many words and sentences that I have typed and written, but nothing coherent enough to be pieced together as a story. I get this idea/scene in my head, and when i try to further develop it, it just becomes horrible. From too ambitious, to, too troublesome, too many actors/extras or resources or having no location no nothing in my head to just bring it a step further! SO FRUSTRATING.

argh!

Labels: rants, uk

posted by adree at 08:55 SGT (GMT +08)| 0 comments

Wot?

I am bad at describing things. People often ask me here, what do I think of Bristol or the UK. Honestly, I am stumped by that question. I honestly do not know how to answer that. Another question I get asked quite often, whether I miss home. I don't know how to answer that as well. Yes I do miss home, yet, im not like homesick and dying to go home either. I miss the food and friends and family, but yet, its not something that i'll drop everything and go home for either. Yet also, living here has its own kinks and all, but yet, its not something that's pushing me out of here and on the first plane back home. I'm a walking contradiction. What's new.

I am also bad a describing my thoughts and ideas too. They feel so wonderful and creative in my head, but when I describe it to someone else, I get disgusted with the idea so much that I wonder why did I ever think it was a good one in the first place.

In summary, I am a bad articulator of my thoughts, imagination and ideas. But yet... If I am really into it, I really believe in it. crap, i dont even know what im typing here anymore

Labels: rants

posted by adree at 04:10 SGT (GMT +08)| 0 comments

Facebook and somemore...

And so, one sleepless night, me, itchy backside, decided to get on to facebook and see what is it with all that emails that have been bugging me. so i registered and logged on....

and i got addicted. its so addictive ok! i've been slapping people, poking people, throwing stuff at them, patting their pets, feeding mine, listing out the various places i've been to, this that and all whatever... Its another one of those social networks where you can socialise, other than the usual "testimonials" or whatever, but the socialibility... is there such a word? is different.. and more interactive and interesting. and the various groups and networks u can join also make it more manageable.. in a way...

im loosing sleep lately, i don't know why either, can only sleep when the sun is almost up, and very bit the slightest sound and smell will keep me awake. And im back to procrastinating, as i have planned to get alot things settled before i leave. The rather mundane stuff like packing my room, backup my files, clearing my 500gb hdd coz its filled and no point bringing a filled up hdd over to the uk. then the other stuff like what electronic stuff i should bring over... the bags/casing that should go along with it, the accessories that i should bring, and all the accompanying power cables, usb cables, firewire cables, network cable, whether i should bring a wireless router, and then im like, im only there for a year...

So this is what goes thru my head, all the contingency planning, but im sure when im in the plane, im be like DAMN! i forgot something but then it will usually be not very important la, its a luxury more than a need. So i bought a new Crumpler bag, the most expensive one u can find in the shop, the biggest and bulkiest one, but i paid like almost $100 less for it. Why? for me to know, and not for you to know! hurhur. but then, im like feeling with all the padding and all for the bag makes it weigh like almost 2kg already, with my 3kg mbp, its already 5kg, with the stupid 500gb hdd and cables, 7kg already. check in limit reached. hurhur and i still have my camera and my toy. so how!

then i was thinking i should have an ipod coz i need music entertainment, but i sold my ipod nano RED away. so sad, so no ipod, but i was at comex 2007 and they had this buy one get one free 1gb mp4 player, some china brand. but i dont like china brands, not because of the recent fiasco, its all the US, coz they are doing it coz they are d**b and scared that china is stealing all their trade, jobs and etc. but thats another entry. Anyway, i always believe in paying for what you get. so if u sell me something that's really cheap, i;ll question, is that really good? cheap, but value for money? will i use it like 2 weeks, and right after the warranty ends, it fails and becomes another piece of junk. So these days, not that I have alot of money, if there is a product that has 3 different price ranges, i'll go for the middle one, but if it is something that quality cannot be compromised, i'll pay top dollar for it. If it a china brand with good quality and reputation like.... hmmm i dont know... not some company that duplicate, replicate without much money put into R&D, just copy and churn out mass market, then i wont buy la.
After working with professional camera equipment, if u stop and think about the very little bit that goes into development of the product, u realise everything.. from where the buttons are placed, the user menus, the different controls that is needed, the little stuff, all taken into careful consideration, the ergonomics etc etc etc, lots of $$$ and time and research has gone in to it. Like Apple products. they look good, great to use, feel good, easy to use and so pleasing to the eye... u pay $$ to creative and talented people to make such stuff! You take some china imitation product, they look like an apple product, coz its copied, but once u look at the interface, u feel the buttons, its like SHIT. but well, beggers cannot be choosers.

One of the things i have really learned and understood from my 3 years in a design school is to really appreciate good design. The time, effort, $$, research and development to come up with anything, from an idea, to a photo, movie, to a story to a product, to a graphic, logo, text, anything at all, the intellectual property. Dont short change yourself with your creative ideas. The clients are paying for your talent! your ideas! and then ur hard work, the research blah blah blah blah. SQUEEZE THEM DRY!
My design education has "level up" my taste for products or anything with good design, and whatever. i think. hurhur. But i think im still clueless when it come to fashion. not interested la. str8 can.

Labels: design, facebook, rants, uk

posted by adree at 05:56 SGT (GMT +08)| 0 comments