So I have 'graduated', had my degree show. Didn't do as well as I wanted to. Wanted to revamp this site, but as it is, it is still the same.
So I am leaving for my holiday tomorrow. I am off to Rome, and hopefully, Pisa, Florence, Venice, Budapest, Prague, Berlin, Amsterdam, Paris. It will be an exciting 22 days! Or until the money I have on me runs out! which ever comes first!
If there are some decent internet connections, I'll try to do a travel blog with photos. But that will probably not happen.
I am tired, but I cannot sleep. I am under tremendous pressure and stress, my mind cannot stop working. I am so frustrated, irritable and extremely impatient. Productivity has been horrible, and there are just so much incompetence around. It is extremely frustrating. There should be more descriptive words for such emotions.
Blogger takes such a f**king long time to load that only makes me more pissed off.
I need an outlet to get out all the steam. Somebody is going to be really unlucky to be on my receiving end of my pressure valve.
In one of my minuscule discoveries about different cultures, here in Europe, or maybe specifically UK, the British do not seem to instant message(IM) as much or often as Asians do on the other side of the world. Such activity, chatting online, spending too much time infront of a computer, addicted to playing computer/online games, is someone who has no life, a nerd, a geek, and/or a loser.
There seems to be this stigma that the Internet, or being online all the time, or knowing your way around computers is bad. 'Only people with no social life spend all their time online'. I think the British are missing the boat, the web2.0/social media/enterprise etc shit. Apparently the inventor of the WWW is a British guy, when I always thought it was an Amercian. Maybe because the British invented it, they got bored of it, and it is like a byproduct of the yesteryears? Its hard to find any British blogs, or any online community other than stuff like myspace to promote their obsession into music or anything else that does not relate to not having a social life. Facebook is a main reason why many are online now, updating their 'real life social life' online, because, well, you know how facebook is.
What is strange is that their 'nightlife or entertainment' here is really boring. Shops close at 5, and the ONLY places opened after 5pm are pubs/clubs, and fast food places to feed the drunk, no, high revelers. All there is to do, on any night in town is to go to a club, or pub, and get pissed. And if sitting around a table for a pint, and catching up got a little boring or unexciting after awhile, these drunk, no, high revelers, will be all up to mischief.
But who cares what I think? I am an anti social hermit! I am the social outcast. heh.
I also noticed that the British seem to be lagging behind in technology. One good indicator is the price of broadband, its speed and accessibility. Another indicator is how adapted the youth are to it. Maybe I am not experiencing a broader spectrum of youth. I thought mixing with media students would be a strong enough gauge. But I have not been impressed with anything interactive/multimedia/IT/web/online/etc from here. Even the student work here in that particular field is questionable. YET my views could all be one sided because I have not seen enough, or not looking hard enough. But if its that good, it'll stand out from a million miles away, and none has caught my eye.
Yet another interesting thing is probably noticing how APPLE advertises its products in Europe. They seem to advertise more in the US and ASIA, but when it comes to advertisements on computer products like the imacs or whatever, there is very little of it. Even the professional range of products like creative suites and all that, there seems to be a huge lack of interest in Europe. One case when Final Cut Studio 2 was having a world tour to give talks and such to FCP users, all the cities listed where the conference was going to be, was everywhere BUT Europe. Does APPLE know something I don't about the demograph ?
Sometimes I question my decision to come to the UK, instead of the US to pursue a media degree in an increasingly technological internet and media savvy world. Well I did know, and wanted to pursue my studies in the US, however, its all about circumstances. The UK is still better for stuff like engineering/medicine/law/etc. i think.
Always thought that my english was above average(B3; average?). But coming here has made me realise that my perceptions are bad. I can't pronounce, enunciate and articulate myself as well as I think I could in my mind. Can't speak or write properly! All that singaporean english, mixing all that different languages and not speaking properly, and all that amercian television! So I am a confused sounding English(british)-educated(singapore education system)english-speaking-sounding-amercian-sometimes(tomayto, tomahto; its the tv)-whose-pronunciation-is-screwed-by-singish(singapore!).
Even what I write here has full of mistakes. Can you spot them?
posted by adree at 05:41 SGT (GMT +08)|
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50 hour journey
It's been more than one and half months since, that I made it to Brazil and made it back to the UK in about 50 hours. That uh-mey-zing trip was not as amazing as it should have been. 2 hours to Heathrow, 3 hr check in, 12 hr flight to San Paulo on route to Rio de Janeiro. Never got to Rio, denied entry at immigration because as a Singaporean, I needed one no matter the purpose of the visit, tourist or otherwise, when the brazilian airline I flew on told me I did not need one. Frantic 6 hours trying to enter the country (was suppose to help a uni mate shoot a documentary; he shot it in the end), pulling strings, considered plans to go to Buenos Aries to do a round robin and get a visa in, but decided against it (language, unknown, time, money). 10 hours waiting in a 'restricted area' with someone watching me all the time in case I made a run for it. 2 hours waiting at the gate to get back my 'airline impounded' passport and airticket before the 12 hour flight back to london. A moment of feeling relieved at being back in the UK(which is weird for me), 45 mins at Heathrow immigration queue, 5 mins of sympathy and advice by the UK immigration officer(I had a strong case), 30 mins of giving my mind to the assistant station manager of the airline that put me on a 24 hr roundabout flight, and 18hrs in an airport (tiny, in comparison with tom hank's character). 1 hour typing an email making my case against the airline. 3 weeks of haggling and negotiating. 2 weeks of getting documents in place. '7 working days' to get a proper full refund of the airticket, as well as expenditure and expenses incurred to make that 50 hour 'holiday' to literally set foot and go on the south american continent. I could have traveled home!
I have this fascination in the way the English pronounce the word Amazing. It is often use to describe anything fantastic, or good, or great, or simply AMAZING. But the pauses and stresses in the syllable in the usage of the word amazing, is amazing! It brings out the excitement and wonder in whatever they are describing to life. Thats how I see it anyway.
UH-MEEEY-ZING!
I'll off to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil tomorrow, and it will be simply UH-MEY-ZING! A break from the cold, wet and gloomy weather of the United Kingdom! Omg, I cannot believe I just said that. I love cold, wet, gloomy weather! Not hot, humid and bright tropical weather!
The sun, sand and the sea. (reminds me of that Singapore Navy ad.)
But it will be AMAZING! Wish I could extend my trip.
In the hours leading up to the Year of the Rat, 2008, between touching up the 5000 words on 'Digital Aura: Intertwining Relationship between Culture, Technology & Audience', horrible tasting soya bean milk, and a new wave of 80 sex scandal photos of Edison Chen, Cecilia Cheung, Bobo Chan and Gillian Chung ...Time crept to the Lunar New Year of the Rat!
Ok, thats a fragmented sentence with really no meaning. This is what academic writing does to your head (mine always). And this post is kinda of an experiment. Shall wait and see.
Gong Xi Fa Cai! Have a great new year ahead!
2 weeks+ to start of my production, and my shotlist/storyboard and script isn't finalised yet! But block teaching has taught/prepared me well! (might have made me complacent as well.)
In the mist of my 8000 words, I went to the Hippodrone to watch a musical. I used to think musicals were some cheesy cringing type of shows you go to, and especially Mamma Mia! which are based on songs from ABBA.
But after watching it, my advice is, if you have not watched it, you don't know what you're missing out.
Roasting beef and vegetables in the oven, the resulting smoke from the oven, left the kitchen and into the corridor of the flat, triggering the smoke detectors. This set off the fire alarm for the whole building, and triggered the fire service, with a response of 3 fire engines and 1 high ladder fire truck.
I was just about to pull down my pants to take a crap when I heard in the distance what sounded like a fire alarm... So I decided to wait awhile just to be sure it is not the fire alarm, as I do not want to be stuck in a situation of taking a crap and having to run out of the flat.
Five seconds later, the fire alarm in the flat went off, and that meant running down 12 stories of stairs in 1 deg c weather, and a 3min walk around the street to the front of the building. It was FREEZING.
A forgotten pan on the stove at 2am in the morning set off the fire alarm in the flat next door. The whole building I would say was pissed. Luckily the student warden discovered the source of the smoke immediately, or I would have to climb 12 stories down, and then later up again in -1c temperature. Didn't help that I couldn't sleep properly, and had just fallen asleep when the stupid fire alarm went off. I was resigned to not have a good night sleep after. Tossed and turned for God knows how long after the all clear before waken by the alarm clock.
Soon it all became dejavu, like my script playing out itself exactly.
Who says I worry too much? huh huh huh huh huh huh ?!?!?
But I do worry too much. I am a worrier. Even a stranger said I worry too much, and I should just drop everything and have fun! That should be my main goal why I am here! To have fun and absorb all that experience in!
I think, I am starting to feel the effects of being drained. Mentally drained... hmmm does that also mean stressed? I would love to just drop everything and chill out, but then there's that pressure there telling me I can't. And it is also not as it I am not chilling out... Maybe I am not chilling out properly. Not having quality. I might be having too much quantity of minimal chilling out, that doesn't effectively take away all that drain and stress.
alright, all these are just bullshit excerises to the same problem I have for years.
Procrastinating.
But I think some part of me is really drained. Could it be the cold weather here that is freezing the fats and stopping blood from circulating in my brain? Maybe. Better start going to the gym again.
Being true to yourself. How do you be true to yourself? If being true to yourself, means doing what you think its right and best, then what is right and best? We all learn our life experiences, what is right or wrong, true or false, from somewhere somehow, either school, workplace, family, friends, etc. So what does it mean to be true to yourself?
All that shared experiences you have been through as an human being that shaped who you are today? The lessons you learn from school, the bad experiences, the good experiences. Then what is good and what is bad? What is right what is wrong? What is true what is false? I am going in a circle. Is this a chicken and egg thing?
Do I understand what it means to be true to yourself to be true to myself?
Often in the creative circles, I hear people talking about being true to yourself in your work. You answer to no one else but yourself. But what if yourself is either confused of knowing which is being true to yourself, or whether because you're a student and learning, you should be learning from someone else, opening yourself up to other possibilities, or just closing everyone else and be yourself. If teamwork is about understanding each other viewpoints, listening, accepting or not, then how to be true to yourself when there's a need to compromise?
I think I sound stupid here in such an argument. I probably have the answer in what I just typed. Because while typing it out, I thought I had the answer to my question. But now, I don't know. I rather believe I didn't have the answer.
posted by adree at 06:33 SGT (GMT +08)|
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Goldfish in a Bowl
When I think about my decision to come to the UK to study, as well as what I hoped to have tried or experimented, its funny how I seem to forget about it all. I talked about not getting such a big culture shock, and then adapting to the life here. Perhaps I have built a big glass wall around myself.
Far away from home, and in an unfamiliar place, I try to adapt to the life and culture here, hang on to the things familiar to home, cook and eat so much asian food, and if I had a choice back home in Singapore, I wouldn't eat. Like how sometimes I deal with my relationships, I build a wall around myself to protect me first. It's selfish, but if anything bad happens, I get hurt, I deal with the pain. But not wanting to experience the pain, I try to prevent it, or avoid it. I guess its human nature or not, or just who I am.
One of the reasons why I wanted to study overseas was the overseas exposure, the different culture, and to see things differently. Also to experiment and be totally free from the structure and system that educated me. Unfortunately, subconsciously, I've been building a cocoon around myself. I rather use the phrase Goldfish in a Bowl, or turtle in his shell, or snail, whatever. But you can see through a glass bowl and not a shell! so whatever.
So basically, I am this goldfish in a bowl, looking out at the people around me, experiencing the place and culture, well, not as much as I should, and worrying too much. But thats me, I am a worrier. So although I already know what I know from where I studied in Singapore, the theory and everything, I should take this opportunity break that stupid box, step out from it, experience and break the rules. Really, its easier said than done. There's something in me, that prevents me from doing so. Its like deciding against right or wrong. I want to do really well here cos of my goals academically, but yet in this creative field of media, what is right? and what is wrong? My fear is that through this experimentation, I could go horribly wrong, or, because I know what is "right", that prevents me from breaking that. So can I blame the culture, society, or education system that made me this way?
There are also other life experiences of my own that are quite similar to others as well, its all about us going through a journey in our lives deciding what we want, and how we want to lead it. But yet, has that experience made me afraid of exploring and experience? I say I want to do so, I want to do it, but deep down inside, there is that constant fear that subconsciously stops or prevents me from doing so.
So how do it beat this subconscious to crap, break free from its bond, and open myself up? You(the reader) cannot give me advice, because, that answer is within me, and that is something that I have to discover.
Its so frustrating, sitting at the desk for hours and days and nothing is done! Even with an idea or concept, I cannot think/imagine/visualise/conceptualise further because I just do not have that experience here to put the idea/concept into reality.
All the images and visuals I can conjour are all things related to Singapore.
I've been sitting at my desk all day, staring at the many words and sentences that I have typed and written, but nothing coherent enough to be pieced together as a story. I get this idea/scene in my head, and when i try to further develop it, it just becomes horrible. From too ambitious, to, too troublesome, too many actors/extras or resources or having no location no nothing in my head to just bring it a step further! SO FRUSTRATING.
On a clear evening like the picture above, this is the view from my room. Thats the city centre you see below. That building in the middle where all the buses are, is the club that Armin spun a few weekends ago. That same club, and another just along the street, is the source of a lot of noise, and sometimes entertainment in the night.
And this is the view without the fog.
This is the same view (almost) of now, all foggy. My first english fog. How romantic.
3 British tourist in Singapore who climbed onto a trishaw ridden by a 76 year old man, mocked him, filmed it, refused to pay, and stupidly put it on Youtube for the whole world to see. What followed was a huge outrage from Singaporeans. This led to the poster of the video, youtube user, B0Davis, 26 years old from Briton to regret his actions, and took the video down. The video was subsequently immediately reposted online by an angry singaporean. Also reported in The New Paper and The Daily Mail It is reported in the paper that his name is Bo Davis, but apparently that is the name of some singer in some rock group in the UK. Should find out what his realname is. Maybe he is the singer of that some rock group.
Honestly, I am not surprised how these 3 british guys behaved. Even though I am here for a short while, met many nice and and friendly britons, just add alcohol to the equation, and there you have it. But that said, they were sober when they put the video on youtube. So that says something else.
Generally, the English here are relatively nice people. But from my past experiences in the short time I am here... these experiences speak for themselves.
1. On your application, you were issued with exit permit no. *******, valid from 16/09/2007 to xx/xx/xxxx, for the purpose of overseas studies in United Kingdom.
2. We note that to date, you have not provided Exit Permit Office with your overseas residential address. We would like to remind you to furnish it as soon as it is available. This is for the purpose of future correspondence on your Exit Permit matters.
3. You can log on to http://www.ns.sg and select as follows: a. Go to MINDEF Services, click on "NSman" b. Select "Exit Permit" and c. Under E-Applications, "Update Overseas Address"
4. Thank you.
MS XXXX xxxx Registration & Enlistment Centre
I don't want any correspondence from you! Leave me alone! I'm not in Singapore! Stop bugging me! Damn sad can!
loyalty to country, leadership, discipline, professionalism, fighting spirit, ethics, care for soldiers!
CASE #76831 - OPEN Classification: Murder Date: 21-22 OCT 2007 Location: Nelson House, Bristol, UK Time: 1700hrs - 1000hrs Name of Victim: Toilet Roll Three Suspects: Flatmates and Randoms from party Cause of Death: Hyperthermia
Victim was found naked on the toilet floor. Evidence of brutal blunt force trauma to victim's head, chest, arms and legs. Clothes missing from the scene, suspected to be flushed down the toilet with other waste. More than one assailant is suspected. Multiple footprints and finger prints, were found at the scene.
Police advise to family, not to leave toilet rolls around.
It was to Frenchay(main campus) on Wednesday for the International Students Induction, as usual, it was quite a mess, was suppose to have free breakfast and all, but that didnt happen until 1030am, when it was supposed to be at 0830. After registration, and a full english breakfast.. scrambled eggs, sausages, chips, baked beans. They had some talks on how to live in bristol, where to get food, budget, transport, health and safety blah blah blah, all very boring.
Went back home, tried to get the stupid internet working properly, and lazed ard until my parents came back from their day trip to Bath, and cooked dinner for them.
Went to my faculty on thursday morning, discovered how expensive the public transport is, and how infrequent the services are. Made me cherish the public transport we have at home. A single trip cost like 2 pounds, but even with student concession, a day trip ticket is 3 pounds (S$9.30). Toured the faculty, saw the library with a huge collection of art books, design books, magazines, dvds, etc. Went ard and saw the wood workshop, metal workshop, emulsion workshop, fashion, print making, ceramic workshop, media centre, studios, suites. Not too bad, imho, but TDS is one step ahead in the areas of media. Cant comment much on the other areas, dont know them much myself. The faculty itself is small, a little bit like TDS, with around 1300 students, it feels cosy, the staff and enviroment feels close knit. But I don't know until classes have started and interacted more.
Went with my msian friends to the chinese shop near our place to get our asian foodstuff and i was shocked at the prices... 6 pounds for a packet of lup cheong(chinese sausages), 2pounds for a 1500ml bottle of pokka green tea, 3 pounds for a kg of kangkong, 25p for ONE single packet of maggie mee. SO EXPENSIVE.
and i discovered the bottled sauces, sambal chilli, singapore chicken rice chilli, are all rip offs, NOT SPICY AT ALL!
Went back and met one of my other housemates, Ed, from somewhere middle of UK. He brought alot of stuff along, from a big TV to hifi, to a deep fryer. Met my parents for dinner at Beijing Bistrol, and its off to London on Friday!
posted by adree at 21:20 SGT (GMT +08)|
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Discovering Bristol
so after a week or not blogging, busy leading a rather independent life, ie cooking, washing, eating, sleeping, buying food, bathing, trying not to socialise... I'll attempt to continue where i left off...
After meddling with the stupid internet connection all night, and almost going crazy that I cannot use my Voip software to call home (sob, my baby!), I went to sleep. snore... this entry is gonna be so boring, but oh wells.
In the morning, after a breakfast of bread and ham and milo, I set off to meet my parents, and did some banking. The account was finally open, while i was over many timezones, and they sent the card and pin off to some other branch, so I had to wait until friday at least to get my card and pin...
The rest of the day was spent sight seeing, and walked the lower part of bristol city, clifton, and headed to the suspension bridge. More pictures on facebook. So go sign up if you don't have one.
And so, one sleepless night, me, itchy backside, decided to get on to facebook and see what is it with all that emails that have been bugging me. so i registered and logged on....
and i got addicted. its so addictive ok! i've been slapping people, poking people, throwing stuff at them, patting their pets, feeding mine, listing out the various places i've been to, this that and all whatever... Its another one of those social networks where you can socialise, other than the usual "testimonials" or whatever, but the socialibility... is there such a word? is different.. and more interactive and interesting. and the various groups and networks u can join also make it more manageable.. in a way...
im loosing sleep lately, i don't know why either, can only sleep when the sun is almost up, and very bit the slightest sound and smell will keep me awake. And im back to procrastinating, as i have planned to get alot things settled before i leave. The rather mundane stuff like packing my room, backup my files, clearing my 500gb hdd coz its filled and no point bringing a filled up hdd over to the uk. then the other stuff like what electronic stuff i should bring over... the bags/casing that should go along with it, the accessories that i should bring, and all the accompanying power cables, usb cables, firewire cables, network cable, whether i should bring a wireless router, and then im like, im only there for a year...
So this is what goes thru my head, all the contingency planning, but im sure when im in the plane, im be like DAMN! i forgot something but then it will usually be not very important la, its a luxury more than a need. So i bought a new Crumpler bag, the most expensive one u can find in the shop, the biggest and bulkiest one, but i paid like almost $100 less for it. Why? for me to know, and not for you to know! hurhur. but then, im like feeling with all the padding and all for the bag makes it weigh like almost 2kg already, with my 3kg mbp, its already 5kg, with the stupid 500gb hdd and cables, 7kg already. check in limit reached. hurhur and i still have my camera and my toy. so how!
then i was thinking i should have an ipod coz i need music entertainment, but i sold my ipod nano RED away. so sad, so no ipod, but i was at comex 2007 and they had this buy one get one free 1gb mp4 player, some china brand. but i dont like china brands, not because of the recent fiasco, its all the US, coz they are doing it coz they are d**b and scared that china is stealing all their trade, jobs and etc. but thats another entry. Anyway, i always believe in paying for what you get. so if u sell me something that's really cheap, i;ll question, is that really good? cheap, but value for money? will i use it like 2 weeks, and right after the warranty ends, it fails and becomes another piece of junk. So these days, not that I have alot of money, if there is a product that has 3 different price ranges, i'll go for the middle one, but if it is something that quality cannot be compromised, i'll pay top dollar for it. If it a china brand with good quality and reputation like.... hmmm i dont know... not some company that duplicate, replicate without much money put into R&D, just copy and churn out mass market, then i wont buy la. After working with professional camera equipment, if u stop and think about the very little bit that goes into development of the product, u realise everything.. from where the buttons are placed, the user menus, the different controls that is needed, the little stuff, all taken into careful consideration, the ergonomics etc etc etc, lots of $$$ and time and research has gone in to it. Like Apple products. they look good, great to use, feel good, easy to use and so pleasing to the eye... u pay $$ to creative and talented people to make such stuff! You take some china imitation product, they look like an apple product, coz its copied, but once u look at the interface, u feel the buttons, its like SHIT. but well, beggers cannot be choosers.
One of the things i have really learned and understood from my 3 years in a design school is to really appreciate good design. The time, effort, $$, research and development to come up with anything, from an idea, to a photo, movie, to a story to a product, to a graphic, logo, text, anything at all, the intellectual property. Dont short change yourself with your creative ideas. The clients are paying for your talent! your ideas! and then ur hard work, the research blah blah blah blah. SQUEEZE THEM DRY! My design education has "level up" my taste for products or anything with good design, and whatever. i think. hurhur. But i think im still clueless when it come to fashion. not interested la. str8 can.